Beck Diet Solution: Hormones are all the rage

I’m so frustrated with this.  I didn’t update my weight yesterday because I was too embarrassed.  I had a good excuse being that it is that time of the month and my weight does tend to go up with it.  But come on!  How hard can it be to lose 5 freakin’ pounds?  Before Christmas I was so close, within 0.4 lbs of goal.  Now I’m sitting 3.8 lb away from goal, almost back where I started from.

I’m angry with myself because despite the hormones I did not eat well either.  The hormones are a thin disguise for the truth, I probably would have gained weight this past week regardless.  I did not get my eating under control.  I had one working lunch in which I caved and got french fries.  I had another night this week when the fridge was bare and I was starving at 4pm.  I wanted sushi.  Mike wanted a salad and a sandwich.  Both relatively options healthy if the right selections are made.  We got pizza.  With cheesy bread.  And creamy garlic sauce.

On top of all that, I was stuffing my face with these huge chocolate truffles all weekend.  I don’t even know how many calories they had.  I could have flipped the box over and looked but I didn’t care.  I ate all but one.  After weighing in on Monday, I threw the last one out.  This was more of a symbolic gesture than anything else.  I needed to throw it out to tell myself that I didn’t have to eat it.  No one has to know if I inhaled their lovely Christmas gift or not.  I hope this works.

If I can manage to stay on track this week, continue getting “shredded” with J. Michael’s DVD, I should lose weight next week.  The lack of water retention alone should make it an almost guarantee but I don’t want to take my chances.

Beck Diet Solution: Still Not There

Day 42:  Practice, Practice, Practice

I put this post off for a very long time because I had hoped to be at goal when I wrote it.  It doesn’t look like that’s going to happen anytime soon.  It’s hard to read the word “Congratulations!” in the Beck Diet book and not feel like a failure.  I really thought I could do this.  And while I haven’t given up, it has made me realize that I have major weaknesses that a book or a blog can’t help.  On a positive note, looking back at the holidays of 2007 and 2008, I find that my weight last week was similar to these previous years.  It was my original goal, set two years ago, to weigh 125 lbs.  And despite the slow progress I’ve made recently, I can be proud that I don’t weigh more (trying to give myself credit).

It is perfect that Dr. Beck ends her 6 week plan with a bit of a pep talk, reminding us that rough patches are normal and temporary.  She’s managed to respond to my thoughts!  I’ve also responded to my thoughts.  Last week I felt like I really needed to give my body a jolt, to wake it up from the routine it had grown accustomed to.  I mentioned before that I had this Jillian Michael’s DVD, the 30-Day Shred.  I did this off and on a few months ago but it didn’t stick.  Well I decided I was going to give it another try.  Mike and I are still walking after supper each night but, like I said, I wanted to push myself a little harder. 

I started doing the DVD last Thursday (December 31st) and have done it everyday since.  I’m committed to trying it for 30 days.  I’m hoping that it will bring me to my goal weight before month’s end.

Beck Diet Solution: Family and the Holidays

Boy is my schedule off!  My sister arrived last Tuesday evening to spend Christmas with Mike and I.  I am very happy she’s here as I don’t get to see her often (she lives on the other side of the country).  My only problem is that I’ve found myself conforming to her eating schedule.  I typically eat 4 small meals/snacks before dinner.   My sister on the other hand doesn’t eat much and not frequently.  So I’ve gone from 5 meals a day to 2. Sometimes we eat dinner at 7pm and other times (like yesterday) we ate at 4pm.  My metabolism is on a roller coaster.  Big change to my routine.  This is wreaking havoc on my body.

My sister expressed some concern last week about her weight.  She has historically been the “thin” one while, you’ve guessed it, I’ve been the “fat” one – and while she is still thin, she tells me she has gained some weight that she would like to lose.  Her issue is that she often eats out at night because she’s too tired to cook.  I told her that no matter the circumstance, she has control over what she puts in her mouth.  I need to heed my own advice it seems.  I can’t use her visit as an excuse to eat the way I have been. Every night before I go to bed I tell myself that I’ll go back to my routine the next day but it doesn’t work out.  Well I think I hit bottom yesterday. 

As mentioned, yesterday we ate at 4pm.  We were at the mall (crazy and stupid idea but Mike needed jeans and I needed some support in convincing him that he should wear a smaller waist size and a leaner style - why do men instead on wearing clothes that are too big for them? ).  We were tired and none of us had eaten lunch.  So we went to a restaurant.  I ate chicken wings, a fried chicken breast sandwhich, and some french fries.  We went home and I ate a big slice of chocolate cake.  Fast forward to midnight and I’m hugging the toilet.  Literally.  I have my arms wrapped around the bowl and I’m heaving away.  I hadn’t had any alcohol so that wasn’t the cause.  I think my body reacted so negatively to my routine/eating habits of late that it was sending a clear message, “NO MORE.”

So as I write this, it is close to 11:30am.  I ate breakfast as usual.  If I’m to stick to my diet, I should have a banana and a granola bar before lunch.  And then I should EAT LUNCH.  At a reasonable hour and in a reasonable quantity.  Followed by a snack and then dinner at another reasonable hour.  Wish me luck.

Beck Diet Solution: The Office Bake Exchange

Last week 7 of us in the office exchanged baked goodies ranging from cookies dipped in white chocolate, butter tarts, to milk chocolate-peanut butter fudge (the fudge was my contribution - a recipe I got while living in Alabama).  Through a series of unfortunate math errors, I made 11 batches of fudge when I only needed 6 or 7.  Coupled with the bake exchange our kitchen table was overrun with junk food. 

I spent four nights last week chowing down on this stuff.  I ate less regular food to compensate.  I forgot everything I learned up to now in the book.  I ate uncontrollably, unconsciously.  I didn’t care.

On Sunday morning, I finally resorted to taking all the baked goods and putting them in the freezer.  I am amazed at how rapidly I forgot my diet.  But am equally amazed at how I was able to put the stuff in the freezer and get back on track.  

This is never going to get easier, especially during the holidays.

Beck Diet Solution: A New List

Day 41:  Make a New To-Do List

When I completed the Beck Diet Solution two years ago, most of the techniques that I had learned fell away.  I stopped reading my response cards.  I forgot that hunger was not an emergency.  I did not look for opportunities to get spontaneous excercise.  I started to treat every meal out as though it were a special occassion again.  However, there were some key things I kept practicing.  I continued to write in my food diary and I weighed in each week (even when I knew it wouldn’t be good).  I asked Mike for help when I needed it, I planned meals in advance, and did some form of planned excercise.  These keys kept most of the weight off for as long as it did.  I started to slip when I wasn’t being totally honest (I would skip whole days of recording what I ate).  My attitude became more relaxed.  When I panicked, I would pull out this book for needed guidance.  I would randomly pick a topic/technique, which strangely enough, always seemed appropriate.  That got me through the first year and a half after reaching goal.  I came back to the book and started over when I realized that my weight wasn’t stabilizing but trending back up.  That’s a big plus for this book, you can start over.  No one has to know (except for your Diet Coach).  All the information is still there to get you going (plus now it’s free!).

This time as I read this section of the book I have a different mindset.  I know that much of the above will fall away again eventually.  So I am going to make photocopies of the checklist at the end as it contains all of the techniques rather than just the ones I use or a random sample.  Hopefully, if I can be honest, this will help me re-direct my focus when I need it.

Beck Diet Solution: Life Starts When…

Day 40:  Enrich Your Life

How many times have I been willing to put my life on hold until I lost weight?  TNTC.  Too numerous to count.  For example, I hate wearing a swim suit.  It is like wearing a magnifying glass that allows all to see the various lumps and bulges on my body.  For years I never wore a swim suit.  Even when I lost a ton of weight on WW, I didn’t wear a swim suit.  Because I didn’t think I had lost enough.  Well, that changed last year…

When I reached my goal weight two years ago, I did not run out and buy a swim suit.  First, where was I going to go in a swim suit in the middle of December?  Second, I didn’t feel my body was any better than before.  The  thought of wearing one hadn’t changed one bit.  Then, a few months later, my friends invited us over to their house for dinner and a dip in their hot tub.  Major dilemma.  I felt I still had a lot of weight to lose.  That’s when I realized that ten years had passed since Weight Watchers and I had totally blown it.  Ten years ago, I could have bought a swim suit.  I was smaller then.  I was younger then!  That was my chance to enjoy it.  So…I decided there was never going to be a better time to wear one.  Everyday I get older, my metabolism slows, and my opportunities to wear a swim suit with some dignity diminishes.  I seized the moment!  I bought and wore a two-piece.

I try harder now to pursue my to-do list with the same verve.  In the list I made this morning I had: learn spanish, go on a honeymoon (to a beach!) after the wedding, invite some friends over to dinner, and buy a new pair of jeans.  I asked Mike this past weekend for a spanish-learning program for Christmas.  I was putting off buying a new pair of jeans until I reached my goal.  After reading the book, I will buy them before the end of the year regardless of whether or not I reach goal (I don’t want to go to the mall right now – for my sanity).

Beck Diet Solution: Still Walking

Day 39:  Keep Up with Exercise

Exercise has been a key part of my weight loss journey and maintenance second only to portion/calorie control.  I’m not particularly fond of exercise and my plan has varied over the years.  I’ve tried regular aerobics, step aerobics, kayaking, soccer, elliptical trainers, strength training, cardio kickboxing, body pump (strength training aerobics-style), and the latest thing albeit not-to-seriously is golf.  Right now I’m still going for evening walks with Mike and have abandoned the Jillian Michael’s DVD I was doing before (the issue was timing – I preferred to stay in bed than drag myself down to the basement for a workout – but, who knows, that could change next month).  Before this I was running.  Running was one of those things I wanted to say I could do.  I wanted to be one of those lean, sinewy types that you see running down the street, night after night in the pouring rain. Determined.  Tough.  Well it didn’t stick.  I didn’t feel like I was making any progress and because I was on my own, I didn’t feel guilty for letting it go.

The point is, I recognize that exercise is an essential part of my success and I’m willing to drop one activity to try another.  I haven’t found any one thing that really gets me going.  I like to dance but I feel awkward dancing alone.  I need a little more courage.  In the meantime, I’m still walking.